The King's Decree Ordering Men to Wear Breifs

Dearest citizens of my lands,

There are a few rumors that I must cofirm as it is my responsibility to be a transparent and explanitory leader. I must set an example of all that is right, and so I meditate on my image day and night, to ensure that I eminate upright vibes, especially in terms of the arts. In my castle: I only allow G-rated movies, all of the paintings are of Biblical figures, all songs sung are Gregorian chants, so why do I enjoy prancing around with no pants? I will tell you why, citizens of my lands. Consider my thinking:

This is the new age! We must leave the old ways behind and embrace the new truths. To be more specific they are new versions of old truths, like putting those gel soles in old battered shoes. Pants are unnecessary, we must understand! It is all part of the evolutionary plan!

A conservative king strutting about in his breifs? I don't want to be scandelous - I want my knees to feel free! I went from a robe to a suit, then from pants to capris, but now I have realized that I only need breifs. Kings of other nations are doing the same, though we still wear socks because we don't condone streaking.

Speaking of streaking I would never dare streak, that's as profane as growing hairs on your exposed face cheeks. Beards are old-fashioned, evil and dirty. Mustaches are worse; one of the seven deadly style sins.

Citizens of my land, a new decree has been made for the men. Obey these rules, they are the Mighty Fashion Trends:

1. Breifs and Socks are the only articles of clothing permitted for men to wear in public.
2. No beards.
3. No mustaches.